It was there that I met two beautiful little girls. I did not know much about these girls, or their family, I only knew that these two little girls had been taken from their birth mother. The girls were living with family members, who I had also just met.
As the colors changed and the air began to crisp, God began to speak to me. His message was simple and very clear. "You will adopt these girls one day."
Jigga WHAT? Huh? Umm..... okay.
I was a little surprised because Brad and I had never discussed adoption before and I did not know the history of these girls. Although God's words seemed crazy, I was not too shocked because this was the Fall that He had also told me to quit my job. I though that quitting my job was crazy enough.... so when He mentioned adoption..... I thought "okay, lets roll with it."
As the year progressed I got to know these girls. The youngest one would cry at drop off, but after several nights with me she stopped crying. During our time together I would read books to them as they cuddled in my lap. My mom also came to help me in the nursery and the girls enjoyed reading with her.
As I got to know the girls, I also got to know some of their history. I was under the impression that they could be up for adoption one day and was also informed that the family members who were taking care of the girls were not going to adopt them, if it was ever an option.
I received a phone call in early Spring. "The girls are going up for adoption." The person on the other line said, as they explained that they had thought of me when they heard the news.
I was pretty shocked..... surprised..... speechless. I remembered what God had told me six months prior.... but was it really happening??
Where are the girls now? When are they up for adoption? How do you adopt children? Is my house big enough? Why has God picked us?
The day after receiving that phone call I went to the workplace of the family member who was taking care of the girls. I did not know this person well.... actually I only knew her name. I explained to her how God had laid the girls on my heart and how He told me that we would adopt the girls. It was a bit of an odd conversation..... I was not crazy..... but I know that I was speaking "crazy."
The family member shared her heart with me and explained that she was not planning on adopting the girls, but was not 100% sure at the time. She decided that play dates over the Summer would be a good idea... they would help the girls "transition into my home" more easily.
I left that meeting thinking "wow, our lives are going to change!" Not only did I have the entire Summer off for the first time in a long time, but know we would spend the Summer getting to know these little girls..... girls that God said we would adopt.
As the Summer progressed, the girls became very close to me, and my family. They fell in love with Grant and he loved them! It did take them a while to warm up to Brad, but when they felt comfortable they enjoyed spending time with him.
Throughout the Summer we took the girls to the Detroit Zoo, the Beach, the Park, the Flint Children's Museum, and to the Lapeer Community Center. We also swam and played outside for hours. The girls spent the night a couple of times and became close to our family members.
Also, during the Summer Brad and I felt God telling us to prepare our home for the girls. So... we bought a mini van, moved the office to our basement, and made a playroom. We also started buying toys.....
As Fall started approaching we became antsy. We knew that the girls family had not made their "final" decision, but we focused on God's words and how He had lead us....
Before we knew it, "back to school" sales began, followed by buses loading up children in our subdivision.
I began watching the girls all day, three days a week, including time spent at preschool.
Brad and I felt this process becoming very "deep." By this point, Grant and my family had become very close to them, and they had become very close to us. We saw a future with these girls and we loved them.
Our nerves increased as we waited to hear when we could adopt them. Again, we knew that their family members had not made their "final" decision.... but we chose to listen to God and we KNEW that we would adopt them......
In late Fall, we received the news. The words, "we have decided to adopt the girls......" slammed through the phone...... as our hearts melted.
What? Why? How come? Did God forget what He had said to us? If this was not meant to be, than why did it happen? The questions never ended.....
During a heated conversation, we learned that the family was going to adopt the girls. I re-explained my heart and re-told what God had said to me.
It didn't matter. The girls were not going to be ours. The girls were going to be adopted by their family members, an adoption process that they were going to pursue until "God closed doors."
Brad and I spent that night devastated. We cried, we grieved, we didn't understand. There were so many people praying, so many people waiting to see God's words come true, so many people who had made an investment in these precious lives....
Was this a joke? Why would we be lead this far and then left out to dry? Why did it end this way?
I then decided that I could not watch the girls anymore. It would simply be too hard. I didn't understand why we were not adopting them and I could not spend three days a week with children that God had promised my family ....... children that we were not going to adopt.
I also could not watch the girls because over the Summer I had developed some concerns regarding the girls and watching them would only make things worse.
The next day we were contacted by a caseworker and "invited" to take foster care classes..... yeah, let me JUMP right on that........ well... okay we were going to have to JUMP on it because the classes were going to start in two days.
I had no desire to take these classes. Brad wanted to take them... and I would rather have a Root Canal.... seriously. HOWEVER, the more I didn't want to take them... the more clear God made it to Brad that we needed to take the classes. See, God had revealed to Brad that waiting two more months - which was when the next set of classes started - was going to be too late.
Too late for what? What are we going to miss? Huh?
On that Saturday we began foster care classes. Why? I don't know. Well, because God said so. We didn't want to be foster parents, but for some reason God wanted us to spend six hours on a Saturday.....taking these classes.
In class we learned the "in's and out's" of foster care. We learned that there are children who have problems that I never dreamed of....... big ones.....
A week after our first foster care class, I received a phone call. The words "do you want to adopt the girls?" rang through my ears. I questioned the person on the other line.... I had no idea what was going on..... in class we learned that family members have first "say" when it comes to adopting other family members. We were told that "family always wins."
I learned that the girls family was still going to adopt them..... but we were encouraged to also try to adopt the girls.
(crickets chirping)
How could this happen? How did this happen? Are God's words coming true? Is God closing some doors, but opening others?
After a lot of prayer....we decided to also adopt the girls..... Brad and I entered a "contested adoption."
Yes, it sounded ugly. It sounded terrible. It sounded crazy. However, God had spoke to me when we met the girls and God had continued to speak during our time together.
Did you remember that the girls family attended our church? Did I inform you that I had become friends with this family as we became close to the girls? Just thought that I would throw that out there.......
Brad and I continued to prepare our home for these girls. We moved our bedroom into the playroom and turned our old room into their room. We purchased clothing, bedding, bunk beds, a dresser, and painted their room. Brad and I were so excited. We knew that God was telling us to follow Him and we were obedient.
God blessed us and worked out each and every detail. For example, I went to Art Van one afternoon to look at beds. I'm not sure if you know this or not.... but..... KIDS BEDS ARE EXPENSIVE!!!! I left the store thinking.... "I don't have enough arms and legs to pay for kids beds!"
A couple of days later I felt God telling me to go back to Art Van. We went an hour before they were going to close and met a wonderful salesmen. Within the hour he sold us floor sample bunk beds, a dresser, and mattresses... in OUR price range!!!! Praise Jesus!!
It had now been a couple of months since we had seen the girls. Originally, I decided that it was best that I stop watching the girls in the Fall - when the family decided to keep them. However, I reached out to the family two days later and offered to continue watching the girls - unfortunately, at that point I was told that they had decided to "cut the attachment" that the girls had with my family.
Unable to see the girls both inside and outside of church, Brad and I asked for visitation. We were told that it would be a long shot, but we felt that God was telling us to adopt the girls.
Brad and I were granted court ordered visitation. It was not a long shot, it was a HOME RUN!!
It was now February 2011. A year and a half after this process began. We had completed foster care classes, had numerous home visits, had completed our home study, and had about the safest house in our subdivision :)
We had also upset a family, had numerous meetings with our pastor, had church members finding out our story, and were not backing out of this contested adoption anytime soon. Why not back out? Because God had not asked us to....
Our first couple of visits with the girls could not have gone better. We had no tears, no questions, no hesitations, no concerns. Their first night at our home felt right, it felt amazing, it felt like it was going to be our future.
Just before our first weekend visit with the girls, we had a meeting with several caseworkers, supervisors, and some of the girls family members. The meeting was ugly, intense, and emotional.
Brad and I were not backing out. It did not matter how ugly the situation became..... we had to answer to God.... not anyone else!
I called my pastor that evening and asked to meet with the girls family....again. During the meeting I r
eally shared my heart. I just didn't understand why this whole situation had to be so ugly.
Why was God telling both parties to adopt these girls? Why was this happening? Why was God allowing things to get to messy?
Brad and I wanted answers. We wanted God to speak.....clearly. I had heard about a 7.5 hour Chapel that had taken place at Bethel College that week. I sat at my computer for an afternoon reading blogs, tweets, and updates about how God was moving through campus. I sat there thinking... okay MOVE, GOD, MOVE..... you don't have to spread your power around..... if you can move at Bethel.... you can move in this situation as well.
After our meeting we felt GREAT. We felt that things had calmed down a little, we felt that God was going to speak to the girls family. We were waiting for God to move. After all, I did say.... full of emotion, in the meeting "I'm not backing out until God tells me to!"
Later that afternoon we took Grant and the girls to the Lapeer Community Center. We had taken them there in the Summer and they were happy to return. The pool was crowed and loud. I could not tell you how many complete strangers I bumped into. There was Casper white skin as far as the eye could see.... mixed in there were hundreds of tattoos that looked amazing..... when they were done 20 years prior..... there were bathing suits that should have been outlawed..... - okay, so I am being dramatic..... now where was I??
Oh yeah, having a blast at the pool. There is a water slide that the kids LOVE..... which means hauling them up the ladder and then riding down the slide with them..... it was exhausting.... but the kids LOVED it!!
Suddenly, during our adventurous afternoon, something didn't feel right. Something felt....wrong. I felt God telling me that our time was coming to an end.... it was our time to back out of the adoption.
I shared my heart with Brad that evening. We both agreed that I was very tired and needed a good nights sleep. Well, my "good nights" sleep resulted in me waking up throughout the night...feeling that something was wrong.
Sunday morning came and I still didn't feel peace. We got the kids ready for church and took them to the nursery. During service I felt like the girls were not ours anymore. It was strange. It was a day that I should have felt happy, excited, still buzzing from our day of swimming.... but I didn't feel right.
We went to the alter during prayer time, begging God for answers.... peace..... something.
As the afternoon progressed, we started to feel like the girls were not ours.... more than ever. God spoke to Brad in the afternoon. He told Brad and He was speaking to me..... and that Brad needed to listen.... - hmmmm...... can you tell Brad that more often, God?
I called our pastor that evening and he called a meeting for Monday afternoon. We sat with the family in a cold conference room, filled with books...... and filled with a loud toddler. My mom was unable to watch Grant, so I had to bring him along... :)
We looked at the family in the face, with joy and peace, and told them that God had asked us to back out of the adoption. A meeting with the four of us usually is filled with sadness and anger, but this meeting was filled with celebration.
Brad and I have spent the week returning things, moving things, and getting our lives back to "normal."
This has been such a long and difficult road..... but it has ended in peace. Did it end our way? No, but it ended God's way. We followed God and obeyed Him. This entire process has not been about winning or losing, it has been about following God.
Although I know some of the reasons why He took us down this road, I don't know all of the reasons. I may never know, and that is okay.
Life is too short and God's peace is to sweet to be angry or upset. Many have asked us how we are doing and to be honest.... we are doing well.
The peace of God is not something that can be put into words.
As far as the girls and their family go, we wish them well. Through this process my concerns that I initially had have been lifted. We are truly happy that they get to spend the rest of their lives with family members who have been there for them and who love them dearly.
We pray that we can "re-friend" the family and look forward to seeing the girls at church.
As far as the Miller's go..... not sure what is next on our "to do" list. We continue to seek and pray for God's will for our lives.
A sincere THANK YOU to all of our friends and family who have traveled down this road with us. Many of you have not only "followed" us, but you have jumped in the front seat and your prayers have given us strength. We do not take your time, energy, or prayers for granted. THANK YOU!!!!
All Things Are Possible, Exciting, and Amazing with God.
-Stephanie Miller
